woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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