he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
