We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
