they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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