apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
