omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
