K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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