Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We need to get me chipped asap
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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