Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
