he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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