conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
