Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
