i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
