I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
