i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
