i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
