Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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