Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
