I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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