ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
