I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
