I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
did i walk over a car last night?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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