i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
