I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
