she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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