We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
