im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
