I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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