Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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