my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
