I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
