:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
