Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
