how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize