So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She swung at the pinata with crutches
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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