The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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