I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
