So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
