She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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