You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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