He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
