I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Enjoy the penises
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
