it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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