I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
