like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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