i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
