babies were throwing up all over the place
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
