I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize