I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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