I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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