Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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