why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
