you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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