Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
