She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
