It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They have beer where we have blood.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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