nut hugger
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
