Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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