he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
