Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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