So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
