That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
