That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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