is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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