haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize