He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
