I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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