i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
