Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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