Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
