we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
