Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
