my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
