In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
