There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
