I'd wear matching sweaters with you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
