who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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