Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize