i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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