she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
