So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
