Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
