Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize