Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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