No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize