I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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