Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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