At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
