We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
