Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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