I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
