You can't motorboat a personality
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
