Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
