I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
