don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize