I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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