I need help removing her.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
