Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
