So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
