After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
