just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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