i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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