the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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