She's JV to your varsity
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
